What I’ve Learned from Online Dating

Let me let you in on a little secret I’ve learned this year: just because you subscribe to a dating app (or two!) does not make you “desperate.” Don’t let anyone tell you differently.

About a year ago I signed up for eHarmony – the free version. I’d gone through a breakup several months before, and was feeling the itch to “get back out there.” Over the next couple months I matched up with dozens of males. Some I liked, some not so much – and some acted like children. Nonetheless I liked the intrigue of seeing who I would match up with each day.

Then I tried Coffee Meets Bagel. And CrossPaths – think Tinder, but Christian. Which reminds me that at one point a friend forced me to try Tinder – which was not my scene. I was on Happn briefly, as well as Match.com and Christian Mingle. I’ve matched up with probably hundreds of men by now (including my cousin’s new boyfriend lol!) and narrowed down which apps I really like. These days I only have Coffee Meets Bagel and CrossPaths on my iPhone. But I’ve learned more than just what apps I like.
I’ve realized that there’s nothing wrong with exploring the possibilities, and that doesn’t mean I’m desperate. Like I said, I’ve matched with hundreds of men, only “right swiped” a fraction of them, communicated with even less, and I’ve been the one to end the few conversations I’ve had.

I’ve realized that I have very clear ideas of what I can “settle for” and what I can’t. And while I don’t think the list has gotten longer, it has definitely changed. While I don’t need someone that loves the Lord of the Rings and Renaissance faires, I do need someone who accepts, and goes along with my love of them. I don’t need someone to have a specific style, he does need to have good hygiene. He also needs to be an adult (have ambitions he’s working toward, know how to cook and clean for himself, etc), and able to carry on a conversation. And when I don’t find what I’m looking for I’m perfectly comfortable saying so, and going our separate ways.

In the last year I’ve learned that I’m actually really content being single. I want to fall in love and be married someday, but for now I like where I am. I love my flat and being able to decorate it however I like, as well as being able to do whatever I want, wherever I want. I’m happy, so whoever I give all this up for, is going to have to pretty amazing, which means I’m ok waiting for the right person.
Lesson learned: be comfortable in your skin but be open to possibilities and don’t settle for less than you deserve.

“Being single doesn’t mean you’re weak. It means that you’re strong enough to wait for what you deserve.”

― Niall Horan


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