The Umbrella of Protection

“Under the umbrella of your father’s protection.”

If you’ve ever heard that phrase before, chances are it’s because you’ve grown up in a conservative, homeschooling family. It’s a phrase that’s used to extol the virtues of staying home with your parents where it’s “safe” and where you can “practice the art of homemaking” until you get married.

In my adulthood I’ve grown to have some issues  with this phrase. So here’s my clap back:

Here are three ways I am under the umbrella of my father’s protection as an independent woman living on my own:

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1. My father (and my mother as well) taught me to be safe in this world. They taught me to read the fine print, trust my instincts, do my research, and pay attention to my surroundings when I’m out jogging – among other things. They trust me and have faith in my ability to make it in the world without constantly peering over my shoulder to make sure I’m making wise choices.

And I will never forget the first time I showed my dad the apartment in which I now live.

I was going to put a deposit down on it and asked him to come with so he could see it. He looked around, told me how nice it was and then noticed that the deadbolt slid into a hole in the wooden door with no metal plate to reinforce it. He asked me landlord to fix it before I moved in, because it could easily be kicked in. Me, my mother, and my sister had all looked at the place without noticing that! Proof that even though I no loner live with him, my dad is still looking out for me. Which brings me to my next point:

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2. I’m never outside of my father’s protection because I know that there is nothing I can do that is bad enough to stop me from being able to call my dad and ask for help at any time. I know that no matter what I do he loves me and will be there for me. Any father that won’t bend over backwards to protect his children even after they leave his home doesn’t deserve to be called “dad.”

3. I know that moving out of my parents house and living a life “independent” doesn’t mean living independently of my Heavenly Father. Nowhere in the Bible does He command women to stay with their parents till marriage, therefor -despite what others my say – I have committed no sin and am still under the protection of God. This doesn’t mean nothing bad will happen to me, but it does mean that He will work everything for His glory.

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So what do you think? Am I off base or would you ever move out of your parents home before marriage?

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8 thoughts on “The Umbrella of Protection

  1. I’d say your parents did an awesome job if you are able to live independently. I homeschool but I don’t tell my kids they have to remain under my husbands watchful eye. Instead we teach them independent living skills. And I don’t push marriage either. I hope whatever my daughters decide to do it’s because they made the decision, not me. I love your cute apartment too. Kudos to your parents and kudos to you for stepping out and taking life by the horns.

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    1. That’s great! I’m a huge fan of homeschooling and had a great experience. It makes me so sad to see women selling themselves short because of lies they’ve been told growing up. Good job teaching your kids to be fully-functioning adults!

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      1. We left a church about a year and a half ago and that was basically what they taught. Although I love homeschool and I love my family, I felt like I was suffocating there with all the pressures to be perfect. I have caught myself thinking that my girls should just get married and that will somehow make everything else ok. It’s a very weird teaching that seems to stick in churches–I think there is a verse about being saved by marriage somewhere that got a little skewed by conservatives. I actually started getting so angry at this kind of thing. One lady in our last church wrote an article about how she ironed her husband’s jeans because he wanted her to and that was her role in life. UGH. I’m not saying don’t do things for your husband (I do all the time) but really–your role is to iron jeans? I don’t get it! Anyway, people think I’m a man hater, but I’m just sick of all the lies I once believed, mainly being taught by Christian men, and I get a little fed up when I see it going on in homeschool circles too. Anyway, that’s my rant for the day! ha! Thanks for listening.

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      2. Yes! I know exactly how you feel. My family hasn’t gone to a church like that in 10 years, but being homeschooled I had lots of friends that did and I still find myself feeling like an old maid at 23, or thinking that I’ve got to hurry up and find someone and that is so ridiculous!

        I see so many girls rush to get married before they’re really mature enough, or either of them are financially stable enough and it makes me sad/mad. Marriage is a beautiful, wonderful thing but it is not and should not be our goal in life. Our goal should be following Jesus in whatever way we can – sometimes that means staying single.

        Haha. Now I’m ranting, but I’m just so glad to find other people that feel the same way. I think the conservative church is really good at making it seem like if we don’t agree with them then we’re crazy and wrong and not the other way around.

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      3. I agree! I have so many issues with those kinds of churches. I actually attend a home church now because I left a spiritually abusive church. It’s really hard for me to attend church at all after all of that. It was even worse when I realized what it was doing to my now 14 year old. I just can’t deal with all the manipulation and guilt trips. Jesus is so patient with us and loves us as we are and made a pretty big deal about us not just looking good on the outside and following traditions and rules. He was on his own in a real sense and considered crazy so I think we are in good company 😊

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  2. I left for college for 4 years, and then moved back home with them for 3. Then I left for Seminary and ended up getting married while I was there. I don’t mind the umbrella phrase at all, but I see what you’re saying. I think all women should be taught to be homemakers, but that’s a calling that can be used in so many different ways! It was helpful in my dorm room, and later when I did women’s ministry with college students I was able to really reach out to them while they were away from the comforts of home.

    Even when I lived out of their home, I know that my dad looked out for me a lot more then (while I was single) than he does now that I’m married. He trusts my husband to do that now. When I was single, he called me often and talked to me about Scripture and life and so many things. When I was 11 hours away in Virginia, and wrecked my car, he paid my deductible to get it fixed , ’cause I didn’t have it. When I visited home for a week he asked if he could borrow my car while he got his oil changed, and I said sure. He came back with 4 new tires on my car, because he had noticed the tread was really thin and didn’t want me to wreck. Now that I’m married, he really doesn’t check on me all that often. He still cares of course, but I think he knows I’m safe and he doesn’t feel pressured to be my protector anymore.

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  3. I enjoyed this. I am single, grew up in a very conservative church (which I still attend) and stayed at home for almost 9 years after finishing high school.

    My parents never pressured me about staying or moving. I got more pressure from my grandmother about moving out.
    Now, I knew I wasn’t ready for that stage of life at 18. Or even 25. I am now. When my heart was ready and at peace, God moved on my behalf and I fell into the roommate gig.

    But it’s been a year since I moved out and I am blessed. I have a roomie who is a childhood friend, a job that is close to where I live, and yet not too far from my parents.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. That’s great! Everyone takes a different path. I’m thankful that my parents have been supportive of all my decisions. 🙂

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